The Urban Dictionary describes “talking” as “When two people are not exclusive with each other nor have established what they are as a couple, but have some sort of relationship.”
– Mike June 16, 2004
It seems like a lot of young people can never make it past the talking stage. Everyone has different definitions for what you can and can’t do. Even though people say they are tired of going through this process; everyone goes through it in some way.
You get to know the person better
•This is the time to get to know the person you’re interested in a little better. What they like and don’t; background etc. You’re supposed to find out if you really vibe with them enough to date them.
You’re not officially tied down
•This is very tricky. For some people they follow the “We aren’t dating rule.” which means they can pretty much do what they want. For example; if you go to a party the guy can catch twerks and the girl can give them. On the other hand, people feel as if the talking stage is a pre-game for dating so you should act like your dating (even though you aren’t). It’s to show you’re trustworthy and that you care. In this case, he can’t catch twerks and you most definitely can’t give them. You should have this conversation with your partner. A lot of problems arise because people just assume. I may assume that I’m not allowed to dance on other guys while he may feel it’s fine for him to dance with other girls. If you don’t talk about it then things get sloppy. The sooner the better.
Be careful what you do at parties and gatherings during the talking stage. People talk a lot and things will get back to the person you’re talking too especially if you all have mutual friends. This will have a positive or negative affect on the relationship depending on what you’re doing.
Lines could get twisted
•Communication is key. You have to make sure you know what you can and can’t do. Everyone is different and picky. Some people will feel you can somewhat do what you want. Others may treat this stage as an actual relationship. Make sure you both know what’s okay and what’s not. This is the part where a lot of relationships end. No one communicates and it stops people from getting past the talking stage. I know a lot of people are afraid to ask certain questions but in order to be successful you have too. If you assume everything then you will know nothing. If you aren’t comfortable asking this person questions then you shouldn’t really be talking to them in the first place.
That person is not officially yours
•If they were then you would be dating. You always hear stories of guys who thought a girl was crazy because she thought they were in a relationship and acted as such. You both have to agree to a relationship. Just because, this is very important, he/she acts like you are dating does not necessarily mean you are. I’ll say that again, just because someone acts like you are dating doesn’t always mean you are. Again, communication is key people. You may think you’re dating the other person but still have the conversation. The “what are we?” conversation is never easy but always necessary. It’s better to be safe than sorry. Jealously is inevitable. You will most likely get jealous over something during the talking stage. How you handle your jealously is very important. If you go off the wall then that may end the relationship. Talk to your partner. Let them know you don’t like something. You may get the “well we aren’t dating” reply but at least you know where you both stand. Just watch how you handle yourself.
Don’t let social media ruin what you have. Some women and men don’t like having their business on social media. If you put out problems you’re having on social media and it’s only the talking stage that’s not a good sign. Don’t always run to social media. Two tips include:
It lets others know about your problems
•You can’t be upset if people are always in your business if you put it out there. This also allows other people to slip in. There’s usually always someone who wants you or the person you’re interested in. If they know you’re having problems then they may think they have a shot. This also gives people a reason to talk about your relationship. Running to social media instead talking to your partner shows you aren’t fully mature or ready to be with that person. Most everyone makes a comment or two about things they are going through. You just have to be careful to not say too much. If you’re not sure then say nothing at all. Your partner should not find out about a problem through your Twitter.
Don’t move too fast
•Some people like to keep other people a secret. Sometimes it’s because they don’t want to be off the market or they are talking to multiple people. Majority of the time it’s just to see if that person can keep things to themselves. You don’t want to be the person who just started talking to someone and you’re already blasting them all over your social media. Just be cautious. Some people absolutely love attention while others are fine with little to none. Just make sure you know how the other person feels.
Social media does have its benefits. It’s not all horrible.
It lets people know you’re not completely single
•One day I had a guy on my Snapchat. I had about five people ask if we were dating and we weren’t even talking. People like to see other people happy but people are also very nosey. I am a nosey person so I would know. Showing appreciation for the person you’re interested in let’s that person know you care. It also shows others that you’re not looking. BUT, be careful with what you say. For example, don’t put “the love of my life 💕😘” if you’ve only known him for a few weeks.
I hope this post helped at least someone. Happiness is key at the end of the day. If the person you are talking too or even dating isn’t making you happy then you need to leave. Life is too short to be in unhappy relationships (this includes friendships). Let’s try to move past the talking stage and end up in the dating stage!